#2

KEEKY. Ho, ho, ho! I'm Keeky Delbrannon. You will probably have heard of my band, Homosexual Dog. I'm here, courtesy of http://someonemaybelistening.blogspot.com/ Go there. It's like swallowing a blancmange made of nuts, razor blades, crisps and a script that John Thaw didn't like from The Sweeney.  Makes Pitchfork and The Fader look really, really shit. Right, let's get some access for you...Keeley isn't here this week. She's been taking ownership of Martin Creed's new piece 'Work: I don't give a shit about myself' by having a sit-in and attempting to eat his chairs. So forgive me for Diana Bastard.

BASTARD. Huh?

KEEKY. Yeah. You're on.

BASTARD. We've had a letter from a guy called Shaun who is a fan of the show but is worried that his zip up retro sports top and feathered hairstyle and short-arse jeans make him a laughing stock. He's 44. Well Shaun, yes, they do.

KEEKY. Up now is, a video from a band.

KEEKY. Aye, I'm not sure about that one.

BASTARD. What?

KEEKY. You listening to me, bitch?

BASTARD. Actually I was watching TV, looking at this early 90s hippie on Blockbusters...The album 'Pala' by the Friendly Fires is still available. Next is something very bitter and thought provoking.

KEEKY. I come down to that after a hard night's tiling at Rocky III. Ooh...

BASTARD. What's that smell?

KEEKY. It's me sausage casserole. I've put fruity sauce on it!

BASTARD. OK punters. Here's something from Trophy Wife.

BASTARD. Keeky? What's your favourite radio station/programme?

KEEKY. Absolute 80s. No brainer.

BASTARD. You don't listen to BBC 6 music, Jarvis Cocker, The Freakzone, Tom Robinson, XFM, Radio 1 at night?

KEEKY. You obviously do.

BASTARD. Well it's where I first heard the song by this next artist. Here's a slice of electronicheartcore for you. Do you like that? I stole that term from Smirnov Kool.

KEEKY. Self-publicising bastard he is as well!

BASTARD. I promised my friend, Solar Cower, that we would play this next video.

KEEKY. This isn't a fucking request show. We're trying to refine the audience.

BASTARD. Hmm.

KEEKY. Spooky stuff from Memory Tapes.

BASTARD. Their album 'Player Piano' has probably leaked by now. If you haven't supped it up, and you're a patient soul, it'll be out on the 5th July. Two thousand and eleven.  What do we have now, Keeky?

KEEKY. Um, erm...shit, I think that's it. Ha! Hope you enjoyed this weeks programme. Keeley's back next week.

BASTARD. Thanks for watching. This week we'll leave you with a kitsch classic from Shocking Blue. What are you up to this week, Keeky?

KEEKY. I'm staying with The Horrors. We're eating toast topper breakfasts and having loads of laughs. Jamming on our ipads. They're my mates. Really. Who will you be doing this week?

BASTARD. Fox Tavern is taking me to a new play by Shark Tavastock called The Death of Bez. Should be a scream.