#Two Thousand And Eleven

FOX TAVERN. Hey, my mad hipsters and lovers... welcome to a special edition of Autobahn 1.

BEAGLE 2. Let's be fair, Fox. Every edition of Autobahn 1 is a special edition. 

FOX. Indeed, my lickle dog. We'll be having a round up of some of our favourite songs and videos of the year, and the stuff that has been making The Horse and Flipchart gallop!

BEAGLE. Doubt it. But it'll be better than all the other pointless End of Year specials.

FOX. Indeed. On with the show. 

BEAGLE 2. I love that song.
FOX. Yeah, me too. Hey Beagle, my dear little hund, what was your favourite track of 2011?
BEAGLE. Well, as if anyone cares it's this one...

FOX. A good year for Moon Wiring Club in these parts. On to bigger and better things in 2012. My favourite video of 2011 was...

FOX. Best video of the year. There's really no contest.
BEAGLE. Well...
FOX. There's really no contest.

FOX. So Beagle 2 what are your plans for 2012?
BEAGLE 2. Don't know yet. I plan to eat, work, sleep and visit the loo. You?
FOX. Erm. Breathe in and out.
BEAGLE 2. Right. Next video.

BEAGLE 2. I really hated that other single they did.
FOX. Everything goes my way?
BEAGLE 2. A fuck up, that one. Should have never gone on the album. It just smacked of middle class, trivial issues. Hated it!
FOX. Love is not trivial.
BEAGLE 2. Hmm. The singer also looks like the soppy git with the camera in Cloverfield.

FOX. This will be the sound of 2012. Forget Guettaised supermarket pop, 2007 dub/dark/dappyyankeeeuro step. It's this stuff. Field music. What do you say Beagle 2?
BEAGLE 2....

FOX. Shall we play something that will be or should be huge in 2012...already on The Horse and Flipchart's office?
BEAGLE 2. Don't care.

BEAGLE 2. That's from 1990.
FOX. Italian Piano House Music will come back. All these kids in London and the US have fucked up house and rave.
BEAGLE 2. And they'll fuck this up too. Just get on with it. Wind it up now. Or down.
FOX. We'll leave with...reissue of the year...

FOX. How will you be spending your New Year's Eve, Beagle 2?
BEAGLE 2. I'm going to listen to a couple of Mercury Rev albums and watch A Town Called Panic and go to bed. Top night!

#christmas

SMIRNOV. Hola! I don't have to do this for you but I will. The other night the BBC broadcast some so called Christmas-influenced party hits. In short it was a fuck-up. When half the tracks weren't being cut out, they just weren't much cop. So you won't be getting Mariah Carey shit or some weird clips of Anne Lennox dressed as a Victorian dominatrix. You'll get shit like this instead:



SMIRNOV. 'Paul McCartney's Sexual Christmas'.

SMIRNOV. It wouldn't be christmas my friends, without Gary Glitter. A fine christmas song.

SMIRNOV. You can't beat a bit 'o Granddady at Christmas.

SMIRNOV. Enjoying the party? Great? I've got my empty toilet duck plastic bottles out, to light up, to line the roof and put on the tree outside, make the street look really classy. The shopping's done. It's spam and some chocs from Lidl this year. The presents are wrapped courtesy of the ladies in town collecting for charity. 11p it cost me to get one item wrapped! Okay, here's another christmas tune to get all excited about.

SMIRNOV. You see, I do make merry at christmas. Be nice if we had it every two or four years though, eh? It'll be Olympic bloody fever next year.

SMIRNOV. While I remember, and if anyone has bothered to watch this, or is reading this, or is actually interested, the next issue will feature Autobahn 1's videos and songs of the year in some form. Obviously it'll be my personal choice but it'll still be more realistic and rather better than the likes of Pitchfork and Drowned in Sound. Okay? Then in 2012 we'll be tweaking the format a little to encompass not just music videos but interviews, extracts from films and all sorts of quirks. It'll be more of an arts magazine. Kind of.

SMIRNOV. Thought I'd play an actual 'performance' of Frankie not the bullshit video. Nearly at an end. Patience.

SMIRNOV. Best christmas song ever. Right, goodbye. See you soon. I'll leave you with something really festive...