#3

FOX. Yeah,  that's Grandaddy opening this week's show with the apt 'Summer's Here Kids'. Lots of treats and sweets for you all this week. I'm Fox Tavern and this is Autobahn 1!

KEELEY. Hey! And I'm Keeley Delshannon, I'm with you too.

FOX. According to our stats, most of our viewers are from the UK, also many hail from North America, especially Alaska. With one percent from Germany. Hello, Hi there! and Guten tag to you all!

KEELEY. Here's something from a guy who is part of the 'chillwave' scene. Basically most of the stuff in that 'scene' sounds like Crocketts's theme or Drive by The Cars. Which we like in a way. My second favourite video from last summer.

FOX. He/they have a new album out in a couple of weeks. It's Washed Out.

KEELEY. Now then. For those of you who haven't seen or met Fox Tavern before, how should I describe him?

FOX. I look like Zoltar.

KEELEY. You look nothing like the character from Battle of the Planets!

FOX. I think I do.

KEELEY. You wear a white suit, and have a Fox's head!

FOX. In a sense.

Blackroom - Control from BLACKROOM on Vimeo.

KEELEY. Ooh I know them. Didn't they used to be called Lorraine?

FOX. Quite. I have an Aunty called Lorraine somewhere. Hate her. Her teeth were as wide as horses teeth.

KEELEY. Up next is a classic single from a band who have been together for over ten years.

FOX. What a banal thing to say.

KEELEY. For me this one will always be my favourite track of theirs.

FOX. If an advert comes on with that thing, just refresh and play again. Fucking hate those things.

FOX. Since Keeley has got her own way, it's time I had mine. Here's an oldie from a a very successful band. But rather than be a bore and select one of their classic videos for your viewing pleasure, here is another one instead. If you want an extra giggle you can always read the comments on youtube with folk and old timers bemoaning how ace everything was and how rubbish everything is.

KEELEY. Tell me Fox, have you been watching Glastonbury?

FOX. What do you think?

KEELEY. I love being part of something.

FOX. No you don't. You can't count standing in the V.I.P area, surrounded by industry free loaders, vaguely nodding your head to a half-shit act you've never heard of, as attending a festival and being 'part of something'. You could do much, much worse than attending Guilt Fest 3 this year, and joining the portaloo queue like the rest of us riff-raff. Anyway, let's bring you back into 2011.

KEELEY. This one is the new single from Johan Agebjorn feat. Le Prix.

KEELEY. Whey! That's it for another week or so! What have we got coming up, Fox?

FOX. Coming soon is a Patrick Bateman special. Not next week though.

KEELEY. We'll leave you with the new video from a new band called 'Weathervane'. Not sure about it yet. Chorus is kind of catchy, I suppose.

#2

KEEKY. Ho, ho, ho! I'm Keeky Delbrannon. You will probably have heard of my band, Homosexual Dog. I'm here, courtesy of http://someonemaybelistening.blogspot.com/ Go there. It's like swallowing a blancmange made of nuts, razor blades, crisps and a script that John Thaw didn't like from The Sweeney.  Makes Pitchfork and The Fader look really, really shit. Right, let's get some access for you...Keeley isn't here this week. She's been taking ownership of Martin Creed's new piece 'Work: I don't give a shit about myself' by having a sit-in and attempting to eat his chairs. So forgive me for Diana Bastard.

BASTARD. Huh?

KEEKY. Yeah. You're on.

BASTARD. We've had a letter from a guy called Shaun who is a fan of the show but is worried that his zip up retro sports top and feathered hairstyle and short-arse jeans make him a laughing stock. He's 44. Well Shaun, yes, they do.

KEEKY. Up now is, a video from a band.

KEEKY. Aye, I'm not sure about that one.

BASTARD. What?

KEEKY. You listening to me, bitch?

BASTARD. Actually I was watching TV, looking at this early 90s hippie on Blockbusters...The album 'Pala' by the Friendly Fires is still available. Next is something very bitter and thought provoking.

KEEKY. I come down to that after a hard night's tiling at Rocky III. Ooh...

BASTARD. What's that smell?

KEEKY. It's me sausage casserole. I've put fruity sauce on it!

BASTARD. OK punters. Here's something from Trophy Wife.

BASTARD. Keeky? What's your favourite radio station/programme?

KEEKY. Absolute 80s. No brainer.

BASTARD. You don't listen to BBC 6 music, Jarvis Cocker, The Freakzone, Tom Robinson, XFM, Radio 1 at night?

KEEKY. You obviously do.

BASTARD. Well it's where I first heard the song by this next artist. Here's a slice of electronicheartcore for you. Do you like that? I stole that term from Smirnov Kool.

KEEKY. Self-publicising bastard he is as well!

BASTARD. I promised my friend, Solar Cower, that we would play this next video.

KEEKY. This isn't a fucking request show. We're trying to refine the audience.

BASTARD. Hmm.

KEEKY. Spooky stuff from Memory Tapes.

BASTARD. Their album 'Player Piano' has probably leaked by now. If you haven't supped it up, and you're a patient soul, it'll be out on the 5th July. Two thousand and eleven.  What do we have now, Keeky?

KEEKY. Um, erm...shit, I think that's it. Ha! Hope you enjoyed this weeks programme. Keeley's back next week.

BASTARD. Thanks for watching. This week we'll leave you with a kitsch classic from Shocking Blue. What are you up to this week, Keeky?

KEEKY. I'm staying with The Horrors. We're eating toast topper breakfasts and having loads of laughs. Jamming on our ipads. They're my mates. Really. Who will you be doing this week?

BASTARD. Fox Tavern is taking me to a new play by Shark Tavastock called The Death of Bez. Should be a scream.

#1

KEELEY. Hi, buds. It's Autobahn 1. I'm Keeley Delshannon. And this music molestor to my right is...

ZA ZA ZA. Za Za Za.

KEELEY. ...which is surprising as you might have been expecting Keeky Delbrannon right? Well he's still at an all nighter at The Horse and Flipchart...

ZA. Which originally started last month! Hammer to fall!

KEELEY. Let's get this very special extended opening edition of Autobahn 1 started. Please say hello to Moon Wiring Club. Their 'Sly Gavotte' is all the rage in all the most talked about bars of my alternative present day.

ZA. Thier album 'A Spare Tabby at the Cats' wedding is available at their official website http://www.blankworkshop.co.uk/index.htm   and all good record shops. Watch this now. With your sly eyes.

KEELEY. Ooh, that's like my bad backed flashback over at the NUT march mum had in 1982. Who's next Za Za Za?

ZA. Somethng from 2011's answer to Mental as Anything. They're Cut Copy. They were once assaulted by Vangelis and Daft Punk in a strange Australian -Wolf Creek-influenced- borderline- racial-motivated attack. But thank the Lord for small mercies, they were spared to bring you this fabulous slice of Atlanta Olympic disco.


ZA. Ah! Cut Copy. Buy Zonoscope.Out now! On CD. MP3 and Vinyl. A slick, bubbly album of glossy euphoric pop for summer days and winter nights.

KEELEY. Up now is a kind of shot for shot remake of New Order's confusion by US band, Holy Ghost.



KEELEY. I hope you don't think me a bitch. Don't want to be a bitch.

ZA. I loved this next video when I was a kiddie. Kept my mind of measles and abuse.  It's a 1982 lost classic. From The Mobiles.



ZA. And now for something innovative and new, like a proper sky fucking plus HD 3D advert.

KEELEY. If this next track doesn't win 'Video of The Year' at Autobahn 1's 'Winter Prom' I will thump myself into a coma. It's by a French artist called Wood Kid and it's really quite good.




KEELEY. You're watching the special extended version of Autobahn 1, the new internet music show produced by Smirnov Kool and Fox Tavern. We hope to bring you the best new and classic videos and performances every week. We hope.

ZA. Right. Kate Bush. She's been busy. She's remixed/re-recorded and remastered some of her albums. I believe they are good. Haven't heard them but I loved Aerial.  This video features that fat man from the show Cracker. He opens his mouth at one bit. It's funny.





ZA. Ah, if only real life were like that. Up now is something from a classic band from Switzerland.  Better known for their 1988 single The Race, they have recently eleased an anthology of their trademark latin-infused techno-disco with a new wavish punkilicious element. Download it or something.





KEELEY. That's about it for now. Smirnov Kool will be editing our script next week if it wasn't up to scratch. We'll leave you with a recent track from Metronomy. It's sweet and soulish. It's The Look. See you soon.

ZA. You won't be seeing me again. So...get lost.

#0

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRODUCERS.

We love pop music. We love most types of music. Of course we're biased, who isn't? This musicbloginternetculturethingy  has, by and large, been put together from a sense of love/self-indulgence and  despair. As I sit here in The Horse and Flipchart, typing this, nodding, grinning and babbling to myself like a cross-dressed woman with a fake beard, I am reminded of music shows of old, like The Tube, Dance Energy, Most Wanted with Ray Cokes, Party Zone with Simone, Peters Pop Show,  No Limits, The Chart Show, Top of The Pops, the bizarre Formula One with John Leslie, Rapido, So It Goes...some were rubbish, some were good with rubbish bits, some were ace, works of art, ingenius even, but oh my sweet Lord, most of 'em are gone, they've gone for a Burton as the saying goes. 2011, you have few choices, most of them dire, unless you seek it out yourself, via youtube, Vimeo or can afford a hefty, questionable monthly fee for equally questionable cable services.


Titles rejected for this musicinternetblogthingy included Piccadilly Circus, Menu, Bateman Jukebox, Popnusik Embassy, Concept, Diagnosis Disco and Fox Tavern's personal favourite Justin Bieber's Postmodern Nightmare. I settled on Autobahn 1 today. This works because it shares the name of my Watford Gap motorway cafe, it sounds a bit like the early morning 1988 ITV  pop music show Formula One, because I like Kraftwerk and because it was suggested to me by Solar Cower. 


AUTOBAHN 1 will try it's best to stick to the format pioneered by Top Of The Pops, where we will showcase half a dozen videos and performances every week. Obviously they won't ALL be lifted from TOTP, but many sources and blogs, linked and anchored by your presenters, Keeky and Keeley.  I'd like it to be a weekly thing but I fear it'll be irregular. Fox Tavern (the other producer) and myself won't make owt from this audacious venture and neither, I suspect will anyone else, although the acts will, I'm sure get promotion. Music, in all its ridiculous, beautiful and pompous forms, will be the winner.  Hopefully this whole thing will be structured and fun. OK, to kick things off we feature the almost- world premiere of the new Memory Tapes single, Yes I Know. Keeky and Keeley will be here soon to bring you the first, special extended edition of Autobahn 1 soon. x

Smirnov Kool

This how Fox Tavern wants to see himself.